Staying Present

Recently, I've noticed that I am having a hard time staying present. Actually, this has always been a problem for me as far back as I can remember. I find myself either living in the future or thinking about the past. Sometimes it's a song that brings me back to a place where things weren't so good. Sometimes it's a scent that throws me into the future, and dreaming about what it will be like, look like, or taste like. I rarely ever am present. Rarely ever here in the moment. I have read many things about living in the now, how it enhances your quality of life, but I just can't make this happen for myself. Once I realize I am drifting away from the now, I try and pull myself right back. Sometimes I get so caught up in making plans for our future, so caught up in the blissful dream of what life will be like once we can stop living life on hold. On the other end of things, I find myself drifting back to the past with all of my what if this, and what if that. If I would have done this differently I would be here or there. All of the choices I have made I start to question, to regret.

I know I am wasting a lot of energy not living in the now. I know that doing this is not helping me or my situation, but I don't really know how to stop it. Sometimes I am just wanting the warm weather to come and I am planning how our spring, summer and fall will be spent. I am planning what to make for dinner, or what I will be doing this weekend. . Sometimes I am angry at where I am in life, thinking if I just would have done things differently I would be in a different situation. Once again, I am not helping my here and now. I am doing nothing that can change my reality. I have to stay present. I know it is natural to look ahead and be excited for what is to come, but stressing about it takes the excitement away. I am trying to live by these words (on my pinterest board):

"Do what you can, where you are, with what you have"
-Unknown

"Let your past make you better, not bitter"
-Unknown

" Worrying is stupid. It's like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain"
-Wiz Khalifa

"The past cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased. It can only be accepted"
-Unknown

"Never regret anything that has happened in your life, it cannot be changed, undone, or forgotten. So take it as a lesson learned and move on"
-Uknown

"The what ifs and the should haves will eat your brain"
-John O'Callaghan

 If I could just do this, I would be able to have more energy to put towards the things that really matter, like starting to plan Amare's home school curriculum or helping Damien purge his room of unnecessary clutter.  Being the victim of cabin fever isn't helping either. These walls are starting to close in on me.

Everything happens for a reason, figuring out that reason is my challenge. For now, I will work on not worrying about much more then the here and now. I will try to stay present.

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